Image by Kate Mac (@my_sexual_discovery_2)
Over the past few months on my Instagram account, @ego_exploratio, I have found myself engaging increasingly with protagonists of BDSM as their chosen sexual preference. My personal experience of this vast spectrum of activity has been largely restricted to mild bondage play in the bedroom. Readers who have followed my blog from the beginning will know that I struggle with labels and sexuality… Well for me, this is a classic situation where a label has been applied whilst simultaneously being essentially meaningless. A bit like replying “North America” to someone asking where you are from. The term BDSM in my eyes is generic to the point of being rather ridiculous.
Quite unwittingly, I had participated in activities which would be attributed to this loose term, having been “used” by partners, both male and female, as a “toy” to be used for their satisfaction. I decided I wanted to explore much further into the various sub genres of BDSM because, clearly, I had a lot to learn.
One particular activity which I have encountered frequently is that of women assuming a submissive role and being “owned”, most commonly by a male (but not exclusively) and who is often referred to as “daddy”.
Ownership is a tricky one for me… it is counterintuitive to my whole ethos of how relationships are, but in the parlance of the bondage/discipline/dominance area of the BDSM world it is a common term which is used during play to symbolise the submissive/dominant roles. The “daddy” term really grated on me, that is until I sought advice from a close psychologist friend who set me straight. The use of “daddy” is to symbolise the father figure, as in looking after, caring for, teacher, confidant, protector and one who can be relied upon. Although there is usually a sexual component in the relationship, it does not promote incest or paedophilia in any way. Outside of the play setting, this can easily be misinterpreted if not represented within it’s true context.
So ‘is BDSM a turn on for me?’ Well there are aspects which I find intensely arousing but equally there are others which leave me cold, particularly where there is implied cruelty and disrespect.
Personally I adore the concept of femme dom but in a more nuanced role… as in the woman to be in control whether they are being submissive OR dominant. I am serving their need. I love the power dimension of the submissive role.
Whilst exploring this whole new world, I met a woman who, like me, is a born explorer and sees herself on a voyage of discovery when it comes to her sexuality. We shared many thoughts and fantasies and during one of our conversations I asked her if she would write a short piece for me to include in my blog. She has a deep fascination with the submissive role which extends to her attending Kinbaku classes and which she employs in her photographic work. I am so very grateful that she agreed and below is the fantasy piece that she wrote.
You just arrive home. You set your briefcase down. Remove and hang your coat. Slip off your shoes. Then you turn to me. Deep and seriously you say to me “get your fucking clothes off.” I don’t move. I’m feeling defiant. You grab me and push me up against a wall, pressing your body into mine. You slide your hand to my throat and squeeze it closed. Forcing my legs apart with your knee. In a low growl in my ear you say to me “I said, get your fucking clothes off now. If I have to say it again I will hurt you.” You kiss me hard and deep. Then you remove your hand from my throat and step back. I’m shaking and getting wet with eager anticipation. I start undressing. You say to me “Good girl. That’s much better.” I pull my dress down. Undo my bra. Slide my wet panties down. You are standing there. Your shirt removed. You are wearing dark grey dress pants that are now unbelted and unzipped. You remembered how much I love that. I see you preparing your rope. Before we get started, you walk up to me, push my wet panties into my mouth and demand that I lick them. Then you shove them the rest of the way into my mouth, effectively gagging me. You force me to turn around and you bind my arms crossed behind my back. You get to work securing my arms and binding my breasts. I am completely bound and helpless. You remove my panties from my mouth telling me “There are no safe words today little girl. You are mine and I am going to do with you as I please.” You kiss me deeply again and then put a ball gag in my mouth. “I want to watch you drool all over yourself like a good little slut. My little slut. You belong to me.” You bend me over our kitchen table. My pussy is swollen and soaked and completely exposed. “Spread your legs… Spread. Your. Fucking. Legs”, as you kick my feet out. You secure my ankles tightly to the legs of the table. You push my face down onto the surface of the wood as you start to caress and feel me. All of me. I’m so warm and wet and eager. Then you take your fingers and wipe them across my face. “Smell yourself you whore.” You pull down your pants. You then slip the tip of your cock into me. Then pull it out and rub my clit with it. “Do not dare cum until I give you permission. If you disobey me, you will be severely punished.” You thrust deep and hard into me. Forcefully, violently, with the intention of hurting me. You grab me by my hair and give good hard, deep thrusts. You pull out, “That’s all you get for now.” You start slapping me over my ass. You don’t stop until tears are sliding down my cheeks. Smeared mascara. Ass red and bruising. You have marked me. I won’t soon forget. You start fucking me once more, taking what you want and how you want it. I am screaming but cannot manage any words. You wouldn’t give a damn even if I could. When you’ve had enough of my cunt, you pull out and slide into my ass. So tight. I’m gripping your hard cock. The unexpected shock I feel is causing me to grip you even harder. “Relax your asshole. It’s mine and I’m going to fuck it.” You fuck me hard. Unforgiving. You cum inside of me. Then you start massaging my clit. Fast and hard. “Now that I’m completely satisfied, you may cum. And you will cum. You will do as you are told.” I cum hard. Soaking your hand. You rub it off on my face again. Your cum is starting to drip out of me. Mixing with my own. You go to shower and clean up, leaving me where I am. Only once you are finished do you unbind me and allow me to clean up. You kiss me hard. Deeply. Passionately. I shower and clean up. We spend the rest of the night cuddling and watching T.V. Just like any normal couple. But we are so so much more.
By Kate Mac (@my_sexual_discovery_2)
This scenario is incredibly widespread in erotic writing and imagery… it takes on an almost cliche status such is the frequency of it appearing in women’s fantasies. It is clearly a highly erotic story and forms a backdrop for so many of Kate’s fantasies.
I struggle with aspects of it. I could never threaten hurt. The phrase she uses “Forcefully, violently, with the intention of hurting me” leaves me cold.
I know there is an implied consent to the scenario of course… and it is clearly highly erotic and may be a common female fantasy, but it isn’t a fantasy of mine to ‘take’ a woman violently with any intention to hurt.
Overall, I find the story deeply arousing and provocative, asking me profound questions about my innermost desires and fantasies. That has to be what erotic writing is about, not simply to sexually arouse, but to make the reader re-assess their personal status quo…. Kate manages this perfectly I think. I cannot thank her enough for having written it for me.